when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
