the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
