is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
