I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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