i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
