Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
