I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
