If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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