dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is the high leading the old right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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