I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
