I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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