Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
