He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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