I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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