she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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