If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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