the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
