So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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