yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
