no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
