How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
