Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So vagazzling was a success
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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