hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
