My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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