I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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