She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
