I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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