Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
