my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
