is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
