She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
