Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
