The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
