i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
