me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize