So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sorry about my life...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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