I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So much rum. So many feels.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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