im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
