Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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