I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
