Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
