I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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