you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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