he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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