After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
