Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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