Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
