i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
