he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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