escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
