There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
