Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
