WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
