his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
