We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
