6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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