"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
