Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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