I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
