I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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