Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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