I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my moral compass just broke
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
