i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
