Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We just shotgunned beers for America
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
