Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
