My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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