Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
