so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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