he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
