when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
