mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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