So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
