whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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