Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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