I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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