Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sober January is a disaster.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Randomize
