Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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