Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We got so high we made milksteak
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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